


Mmm, Dumb Bitch Juice, My Favourite Drink

by goodpersonwithafetishforevilpeople



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Past Sexual Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:27:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodpersonwithafetishforevilpeople/pseuds/goodpersonwithafetishforevilpeople
Summary: Hey anyone who's still around! I haven't given up on my Supernatural WIP, as I really like the ending I have for it, but I'm just having some trouble with the middle. I've also been having a lot of trouble with depression. That may have influenced my decisions in the past few days. In the meantime, here's a poem I wrote last night in the hopes that it might be cathartic.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 52





	Mmm, Dumb Bitch Juice, My Favourite Drink

**Author's Note:**

> Hey anyone who's still around! I haven't given up on my Supernatural WIP, as I really like the ending I have for it, but I'm just having some trouble with the middle. I've also been having a lot of trouble with depression. That may have influenced my decisions in the past few days. In the meantime, here's a poem I wrote last night in the hopes that it might be cathartic.

I cried as you touched me for the first time in the six years that I've wanted to

It's been about 3 nights since then and it still hurts

It sounds disgusting, but I've been fantasizing about cauterizing where I can feel myself pulsing around the ghost of your fingers

I want to burn the shame off

I want to write you a novel or at least a poem or at the very least a message detailing how I feel

Or saying I hope we can hang out again

But I know you don't care

And I know we're not right for each other

And I can't force closure from you

Sometimes I'm grateful you're so oblivious

Because it's like you're not only blind to your faults, but also to mine

It makes it easier not to be embarrassed about times I've lost it

But it still hurts that the closest thing I've ever gotten to an apology from you was, "You're the only person I've done this to"

I want to analyze the shit out of that with you

Like how just your choice of preposition suggests that you knew that what you were doing was predatory, that it wasn't my choice

But at the same time I don't want to rehash shit from six years ago

I don't even miss you

I just want you to understand

But I'm grateful that you have given me a legitimate reason to cry

I'm grateful that I discovered that I am no longer capable of physically being with you in that context

But my hyper heartbeat still hasn't slowed

There was so much silence between us when I saw you

And now there's so much I want to say

But more than that, there's so much I wish you'd say

And, more than that, I feel so inadequate and cheap and broken

Fuck, I used to be strong


End file.
